On Monday I went to chapel because I’m afraid I’m falling behind in my chapel count (though I skipped today…oh boy…). During the singing, I stood there as I normally do, switching between my arms crossed in front of me to my hands shoved in my pockets while oddly balancing my weight on one foot.
The people behind me probably wonder if I ever learned to stand still on two feet.
I tend to take this stance a lot when I’m standing, but it never fails to appear during worship in any setting. Looking around, people have their arms raised and eyes closed and you know they are just taking in all God has to give them. I look absolutely dead in comparison. I feel silly raising my arms or closing my eyes, so does that mean I’m any less passionate in worship? I don’t think so, but it sure feels like other people think that.
Typically reserved in the area of facial expression and gestures (or so I’m told), I guess I’m just not that good at physically expressing what I’m feeling inside. Unless I’m mad…I’m pretty good at letting people know when I’m mad (Probably not such a good thing, huh?). I feel almost guilty about my lack of expression, and even when I make a conscious effort to be expressive, I still get comments like “Wow, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you smile” and it makes me a little sad…I want people to know what I’m feeling, but I’m apparently as visually communicative as a dead rat.