With My Hands in My Pockets…

Chapel. That thing that all of us at Roberts have to go to, but most of the time don’t want to. Since I didn’t have any reason to get chapel exemption this semester, I have to go to the required 22 chapels. But this is not a post about my complaints on chapel. I don’t usually mind it though and I find at least the worship in the beginning brings me a sort of peace for the rest of my day, but I have noticed something about my worship style recently.

On Monday I went to chapel because I’m afraid I’m falling behind in my chapel count (though I skipped today…oh boy…). During the singing, I stood there as I normally do, switching between my arms crossed in front of me to my hands shoved in my pockets while oddly balancing my weight on one foot.

The people behind me probably wonder if I ever learned to stand still on two feet.

I tend to take this stance a lot when I’m standing, but it never fails to appear during worship in any setting. Looking around, people have their arms raised and eyes closed and you know they are just taking in all God has to give them. I look absolutely dead in comparison. I feel silly raising my arms or closing my eyes, so does that mean I’m any less passionate in worship? I don’t think so, but it sure feels like other people think that.

Typically reserved in the area of facial expression and gestures (or so I’m told), I guess I’m just not that good at physically expressing what I’m feeling inside. Unless I’m mad…I’m pretty good at letting people know when I’m mad (Probably not such a good thing, huh?). I feel almost guilty about my lack of expression, and even when I make a conscious effort to be expressive, I still get comments like “Wow, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you smile” and it makes me a little sad…I want people to know what I’m feeling, but I’m apparently as visually communicative as a dead rat.

I’m not really sure how to fix this except that I may just need to start saying what I’m feeling out loud (the horror!!!) rather than waiting for people to notice it. I need to talk about my feelings more anyways, so this will be good practice. However, I’m just beginning to realize this so if I’m ever talking with you and I look bored or uninterested and my arms are folded in a defensive way, I honestly don’t mean anything by it. There’s a very good chance that I’m actually very interested and I’m just too focused to show it. 🙂

Since you can’t tell from a computer screen, and if you were with me I look dead from exhaustion, I will tell you that I am feeling content with finally having another post. Dare I say a smile even found its way on to my face ;). Goodnight all!



3 thoughts on “With My Hands in My Pockets…

  1. LyndaCornell says:

    Great insight Rebekeah!

  2. L. says:

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. Rebekah says:

    Ah! I didn't mean to delete this! My hand slipped on my Kindle 😦

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