Finals, papers, tests, tears. Which of these doesn’t belong? Haha jokes on you! They all do!
It’s the last week of school for the year and I find myself in the middle of the worst finals week I’ve experienced yet at the end of my hardest semester’s worth of classes I’ve taken. I’m almost done and home is only two days and twenty miles away, but sometimes its hard to fathom an end to all the school work. Aside from all the studying I have to do (and show be doing right now, quite honestly), I still need to pack and quite honestly, I’m so thankful my roommates have put up with me for the past few weeks. I’m sure I’ve been quite unbearable at times.
I am happy about one thing, however. I finally figured out what makes this finals week, in addition to all the others I’ve had, so difficult to get through. During crazy times like midterms and finals, I often find myself feeling completely inadequate and it feels like I just sit in class with a dazed look on my face for the majority of my classes.
I’ve realized that I am a B-student with an “A” mentality.
What I mean by this is that I tend to get all these grand visions of myself being studious and scholarly and acing every assignment that dares to cross me. The reality is that I’m occasionally studious and semi-scholarly at times, and I do get As on assignments every once in awhile, but I’m overly optimistic. I constantly set my goals based on what other people can do, and when I can’t meet those goals, I shut down and give up and my work turns out less than stellar.
If I could just train myself to realize what I’m capable of and then aiming for that, I might actually do better in school. If I stopped feeling as though I’m incapable of learning just because I’m still trying to nail down the definition of “rhetoric” and “discourse” while others toss the vocab around like its nothing, I might start to understand what I”m reading.
I don’t want to complain about my grades, I do just fine if I look at them objectively. I know I could work harder at times and that’s a work in progress, but I really think my personal expectations are a major hindrance. I haven’t even been a straight-A student since the 7th grade when Math began to really kick my butt (it’s been winning ever since…I find it to be an unforgiving subject), but I have always thought that I should be a straight-A student. Let’s be honest, 4.0s are reserved for the brilliant and incredibly hard-working, and as of now, my work ethic is…questionable to say the least. But let’s also be honest about another thing…that 4.0 sure sounds nice and achievable when you know a few people who have done it before.
I think next semester my standards will change. I don’t mean by lowering them, but moving them from what I think I should be able to do based on other people’s abilities to what I know I can do based on past experience. Hopefully this is where I can say goodbye to the “B-student, ‘A’ mentality” thing that I’ve had going since 7th grade, and now, if you will excuse me, I have a final to study for. (: