I always have reasons. I have reasons for making good decisions and I have reasons for doing stupid things. They aren’t always the greatest reasons, but I have them nonetheless.
Other people my own age have businesses in photography, and all I do is take classes and say I know what I am doing. Ha. For someone who wants to go into a career in photography, I sure don’t do a whole lot of it myself, and I have a host of reasons why. I always feel as though I have GREAT reasons for not picking up a camera more often. My work load is too much, I don’t have time, I don’t have the right equipment, my photography doesn’t stand out from the rest, and you get the idea. I can never seem to make myself want to try, because why bother? It seems as though these days, everyone is a professional and it is so frustrating. But here’s the thing, if it’s not frustrating, its not your passion, and its not worth it.
And you know what?
When I take pictures, I’m happy. Yeah, when I see my friends, I’m happy. When I read a good book, I’m happy. But this is a different happy. When I’m taking pictures I can’t see myself doing anything else that doesn’t involve a camera in my hands. It makes me smile like few things can, even if its just on the inside sometimes. I’m sure you know the feeling, so I’m not going to keep trying to capture it in words that just won’t suffice.
Today I got to go to the Eastman House, and letting me in there with a camera is like letting a child run around a candy store with a pocketful of money. I was so convinced my photos were going to rival those of Ansel Adams and I was going to finally have my big breakthrough in photography. Guess what? I didn’t. My photos came out mostly grainy and usually blurry, and as I ran the slideshow on my computer, my heart fell. I was absolutely crushed at the pictures flashing before my eyes, and all I could think was “these cannot be mine. I can’t possibly show these to the world and be proud.” But you know what? Tough. My work is my work, and I need to show it off and get feedback. I need to listen to my Dad more when he brings up stuff like proper ISO and shutter speed, and I need to learn how to properly handle a flash because I’m absolutely rubbish at it. So here’s a photo. Just one. I’ll post more as they get touched up here and there, but it’s time I got in the game and threw out all the terrible reasons why I never find pride in my work.